That’s right, after you go to bed and the lights are out, cell phones vibrate toward each other, hook up their ports, and go at it.  We’re on the verge of a STD epidemic.

Luckily there’s hope.  Inventor Rogier van Camp, a swimming pool painter, used a condom to protect his phone.

Unfortunately the lubricating jelly inside the condom ended up damaging the phone so van Camp decided to design his own special mobile phone condoms.

Known as mobile skins, these phone covers are designed to protect mobile phones from damage caused by paint, dirt or water.

Water damage is the most common cause of mobile phone failure and most handset insurance policies don’t cover it.

It’s estimated that last year around 68 million mobile phones were damaged due to water or dirt worldwide.  That equates to one out of every 25 mobile phones.

What the mobile skins provide is a transparent and protective cover which is same thickness as most condoms.  And, these cell condoms are sold in three and six packs.

Now, if the phones could just sprout some arms and slide these on themselves here’s how to put them on.

Here’s another great idea from somebody who’s now working naked.

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I’ll give that guy an eleven for ingenuity. 

According to a recent survey by Careerbuilder about one in four workers admit to making fake excuses for being late to work.

Males are less likely to lie about why they’re late - 22 percent compared to 28 percent of women.

While the majority of hiring managers don’t typically question the validity of the reasons provided, 27 percent say most of the time they don’t believe the excuses. Here are the top ten examples of the most unusual excuses employees offered for arriving late to work:

1. Someone was following me, and I drove all around town trying to lose them.
2. My dog dialed 911, and the police wanted to question me about what “really”         happened.
3. My girlfriend got mad and destroyed all of my undergarments.
4. I woke up and thought I was temporarily deaf.
5. I just wasn’t “feelin’ it” this morning.
6. I was up all night arguing with God.
7. A raccoon stole my work shoe off my porch.
8. I super-glued my eye thinking it was contact solution.
9. I was putting lotion on my face when my finger went up my nose causing a nose bleed.
10. A prostitute climbed into my car at a stop light, and I was afraid my wife would see her and think I was messing around… so I got out of the car.

Use these.  Or, concoct your own.  Share with the rest of us your best excuses.

Remember what we’ve said previously.  Your employer may not know it, but they’re going to have to make some sacrifices for you to launch your Work Naked career.

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This baby is the the ultimate pick-up device.

Talk about a turn-on.  You’ll be styling in these therapeutic nose air filters.  This is the new status symbol in facial jewelry.  Soon to be available in diamond- studded 24-carat gold (or platinum) to match your favorite grill.

Wait….wait…I’ve reconsidered.  These are more like birth control devices.

Actually the BreathePur is a disposable filtering device that actually works in the nose to block most airborne particulates – such as allergens – from being inhaled.

More comfortable than masks, it’s ideal for chores around the house, in the garden or workshop, whenever the wind is creating airborne debris, or a hot Saturday night at the club.

Another invention by someone who wants to Work Naked. Many off-the-wall ideas are out there, you just have to find the one to live the life you have always wanted to live.

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Instead of walking to work, the walking desk - or “vertical workstation”- is fixed to a treadmill enabling office workers to work while burning calories.

Professor James Levine and Jennifer Miller of the Mayo Clinic, in Minnesota, who invented the device, say using it for a couple of hours a day could help obese staff shed up to 60 lbs. a year.

They tested the contraption on 15 people with sedentary jobs who never exercised. The participants set the speed of the treadmill themselves and carried on working at their computer, which was fixed above on a frame with adjustable arms. One arm carried the screen and the other the keyboard and mouse.

On average, the participants burned more than twice as much energy per hour at the walking desk compared with the normal stationary one. Their energy expenditure was measured while they walked and worked for 35 minutes out of an hour and compared with the amount of energy used while working seated at an ordinary desk. There were no falls or injuries.

A key reason why waistlines have expanded over the past 30 years is the increase in sedentary work. For millions, the hammer and shovel have been replaced by the keyboard and mouse as they spend their days at computer screens.

What’s the next step for this concept?  Generating electrical power while treadmilling.Yes, that’s right.   Down in the parking garage your electric car needs a charge.  It’s plugged-in…..and wired to your desk treadmill.

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Have you ever thought about being a citrus fruit dyer, who makes sure citrus fruits look tasty by adding dye to fruit.  How about an IMAX screen cleaner, ensuring the hefty screen is crystal clear.  

As reported in the dailytitan.com, Nancy Rica Schiff, a photography veteran, became intrigued with offbeat jobs after encountering the official timekeeper at a horse race track.

“I never even considered that someone did that,” Schiff said. “It’s a job you take for granted.”

Fascinated by atypical occupations, she set out to find those surreptitious people who do what others can’t (or won’t) do and photographed them.

Her books, Odd Jobs and Odder Jobs, highlight such occupations as sign painter, sandcastle teacher, beer tester, coin polisher, condom tester, bingo caller, flatulence smell-reduction underwear inventor, ball tester and other zany professions.

Her advice to  people seeking a wacky career: “If you have a particular unusual job in mind, go after it,” Schiff said. “But if you can’t find a job you’ll have fun doing, invent it for yourself.”

You could be an odor tester, making sure deodorants and anti-perspirants defunk armpits.  Maybe even a golf ball diver, finding balls that head into water.  Or, a cheese sprayer, coating popcorn with a layer of cheese.

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Now, Field says, Rick’s Picks is a national business, and his Phat Beets and Windy City Wasabi are sold in more than 300 stores in 35 states. Sales have grown sharply, with a 120% jump in 2006 from 2005.

While sales and retail distribution are strong, Field says he is trying to “recognize the power of the Internet for our small business. We are in the middle of [turning] a new Web site into more of a selling machine and enhancing the consumer experience.”

One of the important lessons that Field says he has learned is the importance of understanding what made his brand unique in the first place, and being able to communicate that message as the company continues to grow.

“I think that being able to work with distributors was a key step in spreading the message to the widest possible audience,” he says. However, as far as missteps go, “ours is a brand that needs to be managed. When you go into a new region, you are starting a new relationship, and you need to be attentive to that new partner.

As a small business, we are challenged in terms of human resources. I spend a lot of time on the road. I found we are less successful in places where we have not shown up physically and put the pickles in the mouths of customers.”

From pickles in his kitchen to a national business, what a great story.

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Could I do it? Sure, I had contracts with clients already but there were also more expenses. Thanks to our screwy healthcare system, medical insurance now came completely out of pocket and it was several hundred dollars a month.

The tax man also took a good percentage of my paycheck. And I still don’t know what the tax man does with our money. Do you?

Another concern was that client companies are fickle. Just because you have contracts for a few months and do a spectacular job doesn’t mean that the contracts will be renewed.

So out of fears real and imagined, I did what most of you would probably do in the beginning.  Every project – big, small, regardless of profit margin, I accepted.  In retrospect, this wasn’t the smartest of moves.

Some clients were great. They paid well. They paid on time. They were easy to work with. Other clients, however, were timesuckers.  At first, it looked like good money because they paid $5k, but their projects consumed 1,000 hours. So I was making $5/an hour. Saying, “Do you want fries with that?” would have been more profitable. Worse than making bumpkus per hour was the time it sucked away. Those 1,000 hours could have been spent finding clients that paid real money.

After making this mistake repeatedly for a few months, I finally learned.  Now, when clients offer projects, I try to define the work more clearly and then calculate a projected hourly rate.  When their projects don’t meet my hourly rate goal, they’re diplomatically declined. 

In fact, my very first client – the one that helped me break free – pays so little that I rarely accept projects from them.  Although it’s important to still maintain a amiable business relationship with them – just in case I need some fill-in work.  It hasn’t happened yet though.

The point is try to be selective.  It can be a balancing act. 

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Just think about it.  On a day in November (or whenever), you send off your tax forms (and maybe a big check) to the IRS and Governor.  In the afternoon, you go to the voting precinct and choose your public servants.

Regardless of how you might vote, all of the politician’s spending history and tax policies would likely be emphasized near election day (and tax day).

For most of the small business owners, there could be a direct correlation between a politician’s spending and who the owners vote for.  Not only business owners, but nearly everyone would make some connection between votes and taxes.

An idea like this is just too good and too simple.

As reported on seattlepi.com, U.S. Representative Roscoe Bartlett has introduced a bill to make this happen.

Wouldn’t it be great to see some irresponsible pork-barrel free-spending fat cats shaking in their shoes at re-election time?

Politicians waste our money.  Small businesses create jobs

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Well, my hair’s been really uncooperative lately.  You know, dull, lifeless, no body, no shine.

I’ve tried it all - wild New Zealand avocados, truffle oil, pulverized whale foreskins. Nothing worked.

The answer - an incredible new product containing bull semen.   Hey, I couldn’t make this up.  This is where it’s found.

I have it iced down and flown in from England.  The shine is fabulous.   

I’m big into outdoor activities.  When you’re outside in the hot sun, the fragrance of the sperm is just indescribable.  And, once the bull sperm really warms up, every cow within a 100 yards finds me irresistable.

But seriously, it’s a great conversation starter.  The first time you meet a potential customer ask them to guess what type of hair product you’re using.  But don’t let them answer.  Cut them off and shout “Bull semen!  That’s right, I’ve got bull semen in my hair!”

You’ll make an impression they’ll always remember.

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It was perfect timing as well. Previously having been promised a substantial raise, that promise was broken during a performance review a week earlier.  We’ve all been there, getting our hopes up and receiving nothing - but broken promises.  It was time to take a stand.

After handing him my resignation letter, of course, pinhead offered me the promised raise plus an additional 20%. Turning it down was easy.

Once you taste freedom and plan for it, you can’t go back. The dream was close to becoming a reality.

Pinhead then tried to convince me that when Rich Kid sells his business that I would get a huge bonus. Rich Kid, mind you, has never promised such a thing nor would I expect him too. A man who doesn’t give loyal employees one day of severance after laying them off is going to give me millions just for surviving?

Pinhead evidently believed that we were all in a game of corporate Survivor. Pinhead even said that he was sticking around for his big payoff. I shook my head and asked, “I feel sorry for you, you’re building your future based on a promise from Rich Kid?”

Pinhead then offered me a retainer fee. He wanted to pay me less than my current clients. I countered with a truly exorbitant hourly rate knowing that it would completely irritate him.  Bingo!  He got red-faced with anger.  I gave him a “you can kiss my ass” grin and politely excused myself from his office.

There’s one final Pinhead story for you.  Co-workers arranged a farewell party at a local bar.  Pinhead appeared about an hour late, ordered multiple plates of appetizers, and inhaled every stuffed mushroom and hot wing in sight.  Then,  Pinhead stuffed to the gills in his gluttonous glory, books.  That’s right, he leaves without paying a dime.  Leaving the bill for the staff that pulls down a fraction of his income. 

He dined and dashed on his staff.

Please Mr. Pinhead, will you come party with us again?

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