Your Hair Needs Bull Semen |
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| April 17th, 2007 | |
Archive for the 'Pinheads' Category
Have you ever had a bad hair day?
Well, my hair’s been really uncooperative lately. You know, dull, lifeless, no body, no shine.
I’ve tried it all - wild New Zealand avocados, truffle oil, pulverized whale foreskins. Nothing worked.
The answer - an incredible new product containing bull semen. Hey, I couldn’t make this up. This is where it’s found.
I have it iced down and flown in from England. The shine is fabulous.
I’m big into outdoor activities. When you’re outside in the hot sun, the fragrance of the sperm is just indescribable. And, once the bull sperm really warms up, every cow within a 100 yards finds me irresistable.
But seriously, it’s a great conversation starter. The first time you meet a potential customer ask them to guess what type of hair product you’re using. But don’t let them answer. Cut them off and shout “Bull semen! That’s right, I’ve got bull semen in my hair!”
You’ll make an impression they’ll always remember.
Tags: bull semen, fragrance, hair productMMS #12 - Pinheads |
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| April 4th, 2007 | |
So, back at Rich Kid Inc., they serve up a fresh plate of “motivation to leave” nearly everyday. Pinhead, the management guru (and Mr. Cliché), is an incredible team builder.
Every year at Christmas our largest supplier drops off a huge tower of treats. It’s five feet high and includes cookies, candies, fruit, and pounds of delectable treats. The staff makes an entire day out of stuffing themselves. Everyone would congregate in the break room so we could slowly unwrap each beautiful package.
This year the delivery man with the tower cruised right past my office, so I jumped up and followed him. Pinhead was no where to be found, but the delivery guy put the tower in Pinhead’s office. Taking a quick peek at the tag on the tower, I confirmed it was addressed to “The Staff at Rich Kid”.
An hour past and the tower disappeared. Is it in Pinhead’s office? How about the breakroom? Maybe Rich Kid got his Ferrari leather smelling hands on it. No one had seen it. The staff was in a panic.
So, it’s 5:00, the time they open the prison door, and I walk to the parking lot with Pinhead a few steps in front of me. Pinhead opens his car door and in the passenger seat there sits the tower of treats. “What’s that?” I asked. And, he says, “A gift for my wife. I picked it up today. She’s going to love it.”
Unbelievable, simply unbelievable!
At the same time he opened the door, Lucinda the 350 lb. accounting clerk was walking by and saw that Pinhead stole the tower. She had been salivating the entire day for the treats in that tower. And had this menacing look in her eyes like she wanted to body slam Pinhead right there on the parking lot asphalt. Can you picture this pencil neck Pinhead getting crushed on the pavement? I’d pay to see that.
“Yes, Mr. Rich Kid, I saw the whole thing. Lucinda “accidentally” tripped and just happened to fall on you know who. No…no…it wasn’t intentional. She must have just tripped over her own size 14’s.”
There’s some top flight pay-for-view entertainment. The whole staff would have pitched-in to buy Lucinda her own personal treat tower.
Tags: management guru, pavement, pinheadWork Jerks |
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| April 4th, 2007 | |
They’re everywhere. If you don’t work for yourself, you might have to deal with them everyday.
They’re the work jerks that repeatedly interrupt you when you’re talking. Or, sneak away with your snacks and goodies.
As reported on msnbc.com, Robert Sutton, a professor at Stanford University, has heard it all while working on his recently released best seller, “The No A——Rule.”
His new book was inspired by an article he wrote entitled “More Trouble than They’re Worth.” This article elicited an avalanche of e-mails from people around the world telling their stories about jerks at work. Since the book came out, he gets at least 15 e-mails a day from people with horrible bosses.
One of his solutions for anyone who works for a jerk: Leave the job.
The other approach is to find little ways to get control and fight back. One woman whose boss was always stealing her food reshaped Ex-Lax to look like candy, then her boss stole it.
Some industries have a greater proportion of jerks than others. For example, Hollywood. Robert said he has a cousin who works in the industry and asked her to name the nice people in Hollywood. There was this long pause, and she eventually named Steven Spielberg and Danny DeVito. Two out of thousands? And, the rest are jerks?
What about Rosie?
The point is they’re everywhere. You can make Ex-Lax goodies or you can bolt and work naked.
Tags: bosses, goodies, jerk, stealingCan You Escape Desk Rage? |
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| November 28th, 2006 | |
If you’re in the daily corporate grind, you’ve probably experienced it.
What’s desk rage? Have you been subjected to co-workers or managers that vent their anger by screaming, letting the F-bomb fly, or emotionally bulling you? Well then, you’ve had first-hand experience.
Surveys of behavior in the workplace show that over 40 percent of workers said there was verbal abuse at their work. Over 20 percent were so stressed about work that they have been driven to tears.
So, what could be the cause for this behavior? A big stress factor is insecurity about the stability of a person’s job. And, the company’s push for higher and higher levels of what they like to call productivity. The employees call it stress and burn out.
There is a way out. No, not going “postal”. Go Work Naked.








