Cell phone STD’s need to be stopped.  It’s a dirty little secret.  Cell phones are horny little bastards, but they don’t have the hands to slide on a condom.

That’s right, after you go to bed and the lights are out, cell phones vibrate toward each other, hook up their ports, and go at it.  We’re on the verge of a STD epidemic.

Luckily there’s hope.  Inventor Rogier van Camp, a swimming pool painter, used a condom to protect his phone.

Unfortunately the lubricating jelly inside the condom ended up damaging the phone so van Camp decided to design his own special mobile phone condoms.

Known as mobile skins, these phone covers are designed to protect mobile phones from damage caused by paint, dirt or water.

Water damage is the most common cause of mobile phone failure and most handset insurance policies don’t cover it.

It’s estimated that last year around 68 million mobile phones were damaged due to water or dirt worldwide.  That equates to one out of every 25 mobile phones.

What the mobile skins provide is a transparent and protective cover which is same thickness as most condoms.  And, these cell condoms are sold in three and six packs.

Now, if the phones could just sprout some arms and slide these on themselves here’s how to put them on.

Here’s another great idea from somebody who’s now working naked.

…..thinking it was contact solution. 

I’ll give that guy an eleven for ingenuity. 

According to a recent survey by Careerbuilder about one in four workers admit to making fake excuses for being late to work.

Males are less likely to lie about why they’re late - 22 percent compared to 28 percent of women.

While the majority of hiring managers don’t typically question the validity of the reasons provided, 27 percent say most of the time they don’t believe the excuses. Here are the top ten examples of the most unusual excuses employees offered for arriving late to work:

1. Someone was following me, and I drove all around town trying to lose them.
2. My dog dialed 911, and the police wanted to question me about what “really”         happened.
3. My girlfriend got mad and destroyed all of my undergarments.
4. I woke up and thought I was temporarily deaf.
5. I just wasn’t “feelin’ it” this morning.
6. I was up all night arguing with God.
7. A raccoon stole my work shoe off my porch.
8. I super-glued my eye thinking it was contact solution.
9. I was putting lotion on my face when my finger went up my nose causing a nose bleed.
10. A prostitute climbed into my car at a stop light, and I was afraid my wife would see her and think I was messing around… so I got out of the car.

Use these.  Or, concoct your own.  Share with the rest of us your best excuses.

Remember what we’ve said previously.  Your employer may not know it, but they’re going to have to make some sacrifices for you to launch your Work Naked career.

Are you looking for Mr. Right or just Mr. Right Now?

This baby is the the ultimate pick-up device.

Talk about a turn-on.  You’ll be styling in these therapeutic nose air filters.  This is the new status symbol in facial jewelry.  Soon to be available in diamond- studded 24-carat gold (or platinum) to match your favorite grill.

Wait….wait…I’ve reconsidered.  These are more like birth control devices.

Actually the BreathePur is a disposable filtering device that actually works in the nose to block most airborne particulates – such as allergens – from being inhaled.

More comfortable than masks, it’s ideal for chores around the house, in the garden or workshop, whenever the wind is creating airborne debris, or a hot Saturday night at the club.

Another invention by someone who wants to Work Naked. Many off-the-wall ideas are out there, you just have to find the one to live the life you have always wanted to live.

As reported in The Independent, an idea by two scientists gives new meaning to the term “corporate treadmill.”

Instead of walking to work, the walking desk - or “vertical workstation”- is fixed to a treadmill enabling office workers to work while burning calories.

Professor James Levine and Jennifer Miller of the Mayo Clinic, in Minnesota, who invented the device, say using it for a couple of hours a day could help obese staff shed up to 60 lbs. a year.

They tested the contraption on 15 people with sedentary jobs who never exercised. The participants set the speed of the treadmill themselves and carried on working at their computer, which was fixed above on a frame with adjustable arms. One arm carried the screen and the other the keyboard and mouse.

On average, the participants burned more than twice as much energy per hour at the walking desk compared with the normal stationary one. Their energy expenditure was measured while they walked and worked for 35 minutes out of an hour and compared with the amount of energy used while working seated at an ordinary desk. There were no falls or injuries.

A key reason why waistlines have expanded over the past 30 years is the increase in sedentary work. For millions, the hammer and shovel have been replaced by the keyboard and mouse as they spend their days at computer screens.

What’s the next step for this concept?  Generating electrical power while treadmilling.Yes, that’s right.   Down in the parking garage your electric car needs a charge.  It’s plugged-in…..and wired to your desk treadmill.

There are plenty of weird jobs that pay good money, jobs that we don’t even realize people do.

Have you ever thought about being a citrus fruit dyer, who makes sure citrus fruits look tasty by adding dye to fruit.  How about an IMAX screen cleaner, ensuring the hefty screen is crystal clear.  

As reported in the dailytitan.com, Nancy Rica Schiff, a photography veteran, became intrigued with offbeat jobs after encountering the official timekeeper at a horse race track.

“I never even considered that someone did that,” Schiff said. “It’s a job you take for granted.”

Fascinated by atypical occupations, she set out to find those surreptitious people who do what others can’t (or won’t) do and photographed them.

Her books, Odd Jobs and Odder Jobs, highlight such occupations as sign painter, sandcastle teacher, beer tester, coin polisher, condom tester, bingo caller, flatulence smell-reduction underwear inventor, ball tester and other zany professions.

Her advice to  people seeking a wacky career: “If you have a particular unusual job in mind, go after it,” Schiff said. “But if you can’t find a job you’ll have fun doing, invent it for yourself.”

You could be an odor tester, making sure deodorants and anti-perspirants defunk armpits.  Maybe even a golf ball diver, finding balls that head into water.  Or, a cheese sprayer, coating popcorn with a layer of cheese.

As reported on businessweek.com, Rick Field turned his passion for creating pickles in his Brooklyn kitchen into a bona fide business, Rick’s Picks, in 2004. During his first year in business, Field says, his sales increased 200%, and by 2005 he was selling 10 different varieties, online and in specialty stores in nine states.

Now, Field says, Rick’s Picks is a national business, and his Phat Beets and Windy City Wasabi are sold in more than 300 stores in 35 states. Sales have grown sharply, with a 120% jump in 2006 from 2005.

While sales and retail distribution are strong, Field says he is trying to “recognize the power of the Internet for our small business. We are in the middle of [turning] a new Web site into more of a selling machine and enhancing the consumer experience.”

One of the important lessons that Field says he has learned is the importance of understanding what made his brand unique in the first place, and being able to communicate that message as the company continues to grow.

“I think that being able to work with distributors was a key step in spreading the message to the widest possible audience,” he says. However, as far as missteps go, “ours is a brand that needs to be managed. When you go into a new region, you are starting a new relationship, and you need to be attentive to that new partner.

As a small business, we are challenged in terms of human resources. I spend a lot of time on the road. I found we are less successful in places where we have not shown up physically and put the pickles in the mouths of customers.”

From pickles in his kitchen to a national business, what a great story.

It was a huge relief to get away from the comedy duo of Pinhead and Rich Kid, but I was also nervous about providing for my family.

Could I do it? Sure, I had contracts with clients already but there were also more expenses. Thanks to our screwy healthcare system, medical insurance now came completely out of pocket and it was several hundred dollars a month.

The tax man also took a good percentage of my paycheck. And I still don’t know what the tax man does with our money. Do you?

Another concern was that client companies are fickle. Just because you have contracts for a few months and do a spectacular job doesn’t mean that the contracts will be renewed.

So out of fears real and imagined, I did what most of you would probably do in the beginning.  Every project – big, small, regardless of profit margin, I accepted.  In retrospect, this wasn’t the smartest of moves.

Some clients were great. They paid well. They paid on time. They were easy to work with. Other clients, however, were timesuckers.  At first, it looked like good money because they paid $5k, but their projects consumed 1,000 hours. So I was making $5/an hour. Saying, “Do you want fries with that?” would have been more profitable. Worse than making bumpkus per hour was the time it sucked away. Those 1,000 hours could have been spent finding clients that paid real money.

After making this mistake repeatedly for a few months, I finally learned.  Now, when clients offer projects, I try to define the work more clearly and then calculate a projected hourly rate.  When their projects don’t meet my hourly rate goal, they’re diplomatically declined. 

In fact, my very first client – the one that helped me break free – pays so little that I rarely accept projects from them.  Although it’s important to still maintain a amiable business relationship with them – just in case I need some fill-in work.  It hasn’t happened yet though.

The point is try to be selective.  It can be a balancing act. 

So, here’s a question for you.  Would filing your taxes and voting for politicians on same day affect who you would vote for?

Just think about it.  On a day in November (or whenever), you send off your tax forms (and maybe a big check) to the IRS and Governor.  In the afternoon, you go to the voting precinct and choose your public servants.

Regardless of how you might vote, all of the politician’s spending history and tax policies would likely be emphasized near election day (and tax day).

For most of the small business owners, there could be a direct correlation between a politician’s spending and who the owners vote for.  Not only business owners, but nearly everyone would make some connection between votes and taxes.

An idea like this is just too good and too simple.

As reported on seattlepi.com, U.S. Representative Roscoe Bartlett has introduced a bill to make this happen.

Wouldn’t it be great to see some irresponsible pork-barrel free-spending fat cats shaking in their shoes at re-election time?

Politicians waste our money.  Small businesses create jobs

Have you ever had a bad hair day? 

Well, my hair’s been really uncooperative lately.  You know, dull, lifeless, no body, no shine.

I’ve tried it all - wild New Zealand avocados, truffle oil, pulverized whale foreskins. Nothing worked.

The answer - an incredible new product containing bull semen.   Hey, I couldn’t make this up.  This is where it’s found.

I have it iced down and flown in from England.  The shine is fabulous.   

I’m big into outdoor activities.  When you’re outside in the hot sun, the fragrance of the sperm is just indescribable.  And, once the bull sperm really warms up, every cow within a 100 yards finds me irresistable.

But seriously, it’s a great conversation starter.  The first time you meet a potential customer ask them to guess what type of hair product you’re using.  But don’t let them answer.  Cut them off and shout “Bull semen!  That’s right, I’ve got bull semen in my hair!”

You’ll make an impression they’ll always remember.

Telling pinhead that I was bolting toward freedom was a great feeling.

It was perfect timing as well. Previously having been promised a substantial raise, that promise was broken during a performance review a week earlier.  We’ve all been there, getting our hopes up and receiving nothing - but broken promises.  It was time to take a stand.

After handing him my resignation letter, of course, pinhead offered me the promised raise plus an additional 20%. Turning it down was easy.

Once you taste freedom and plan for it, you can’t go back. The dream was close to becoming a reality.

Pinhead then tried to convince me that when Rich Kid sells his business that I would get a huge bonus. Rich Kid, mind you, has never promised such a thing nor would I expect him too. A man who doesn’t give loyal employees one day of severance after laying them off is going to give me millions just for surviving?

Pinhead evidently believed that we were all in a game of corporate Survivor. Pinhead even said that he was sticking around for his big payoff. I shook my head and asked, “I feel sorry for you, you’re building your future based on a promise from Rich Kid?”

Pinhead then offered me a retainer fee. He wanted to pay me less than my current clients. I countered with a truly exorbitant hourly rate knowing that it would completely irritate him.  Bingo!  He got red-faced with anger.  I gave him a “you can kiss my ass” grin and politely excused myself from his office.

There’s one final Pinhead story for you.  Co-workers arranged a farewell party at a local bar.  Pinhead appeared about an hour late, ordered multiple plates of appetizers, and inhaled every stuffed mushroom and hot wing in sight.  Then,  Pinhead stuffed to the gills in his gluttonous glory, books.  That’s right, he leaves without paying a dime.  Leaving the bill for the staff that pulls down a fraction of his income. 

He dined and dashed on his staff.

Please Mr. Pinhead, will you come party with us again?

You’ve come up with a really good business idea.  Where’s the most likely place for you to get money?

The friends-and-family route is one of the more popular funding channels for start-ups. In fact, Americans make 6.1 million friends-and-family loans per year for more than $89 billion total, according to Circle Lending.

But, be aware that borrowing money from a friend or relative for your business — whether start-up or established — can easily turn sour.  So, to preserve your relationships, here’s some guidelines for potential borrowers.

A simple handshake won’t suffice. Get the agreement in writing through either a promissory note (they’re available online) or by working with loan facilitators, such as CircleLending, where agents create a business agreement between two parties and help service the payment.

The terms of any agreement should include a repayment schedule, the interest rate, and a grace period.

“Talk over in advance what you’re going to do if a payment is late,” says Jim Smith, at CircleLending.  He also recommends spreading out the repayments, as opposed to getting one lump sum back in three years. “Few small-business owners have the discipline” to pay a lump sum, Smith says. 

If there’s any concern that the relationship will suffer if the deal falls through the cracks, be cautious about borrowing.

Friends and family are the most common sources of money for your business.  The important point here is to establish mutual expectations of how, when, and if the money needs to be repaid.

Did your parents ever keep a close eye on you?  Well, you can do the same, even from across the country.

As reported on normantranscript.com, Ken Nixon developed AttentiveCare to help his mother remain independent on her farm for more than two years despite being diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. Now his solution for distance caregivers is attracting national attention.

The April 8 airing of NBC’s “Weekend Today Show” featured two of Nixon’s clients, highlighting the improved relationship between Kai Rippy Habalow of Los Angeles, Calif., and her 96-year-old father Raymond Rippy of Fort Smith, Ark.

“The comfort of seeing my father in real time is priceless,” Habalow said. “No amount of third party information regarding his well-being can come close to looking into his eyes and seeing his movements.”

AttentiveCare is an Internet-based caregiver support system that enables family and friends to provide informal care for their loved ones from anywhere in the world. With features such as videoconferencing, activity reminders, slideshows and journaling, AttentiveCare helps care networks on both ends of the spectrum — allowing caregivers to better coordinate their efforts, and enabling care receivers to function more independently while keeping closer ties with friends and relatives. The software is designed to work even if the care recipient is unable to operate a computer.

“Caregivers face some daunting challenges, especially distance caregivers,” Nixon said. “I know. I’ve been there. And I’ve seen how our technology can help people meet those challenges in such a way that it enriches the lives of everyone involved. We want our users to feel good about how they are helping their loved ones … it’s important to us they realize they can still play a significant role in the caregiving process.”

According to an updated analysis by the National Family Caregivers Association and Family Caregiver Alliance in 2006, the number of adult long-distance caregivers is estimated to be seven million.

Great business idea!  You may have one too.  Get started working naked. 

So after experiencing the scene of The Pinhead Who Stole Christmas, I worked diligently day and night to escape the idiocy.  The big break came when I answered a want ad in an industry newsletter from a major company.  After applying and performing the work for them, they demanded that I completely revamp it.

Talk about self-doubt.  Could I make it in this business? Angered and crushed, I didn’t even know if it was worth attempting again. After all, life was hectic. Not only was there my real job but I was in the middle of playing counselor to a friend-turned-bridezilla.
 
But I had my eye on the prize - freedom. So, in the midst of a wedding weekend from hell, I redid the project. The client loved it.

After grinding out the projects for the client, and completing nearly every task on schedule, the client rewarded me with a series of projects equal to the annual cabbage from Rich Kid.

That was my freedom day. We’ve all had those milestones in our lives.  The crowning achievement that makes all your hard work pay off.  Your head is in the clouds and you feel like you’re a Super Bowl champion - “I’m goin’ to Didneyland”. 

Ahhh….the Magic Kingdommm. 

Seattle Sutton doesn’t give her customers any choices.

Instead of hurting her, that philosophy has helped the plain-spoken grandmother transform her Illinois-based healthy meal delivery service into a rapidly growing, $20 million national business.

When customers tell her they don’t like a particular item on her company’s menu, this is what the 75-year-old registered nurse tells them:  “I don’t care. I’m going to serve you what you should eat.”

As reported on syracuse.com, Sutton started her business in 1985 with $1,000 and three employees. By that point she had raised five children and worked 22 years as a nurse in her husband’s family medical practice in Marseilles, Ill.

She regularly counseled her husband’s diabetic patients about diet and nutrition and noticed many of them didn’t heed her advice. One day a patient told her he’d follow her advice and eat healthy if she cooked for him.  “It was like a light bulb went off,” Sutton said. “I knew I really could help a lot of people.”

Sutton knew she was taking a risk, but believed she had a good idea. She started the company as a way to help not only diabetics, but people with high blood pressure, heart disease and other health problems who needed to lose weight. Instead of diet gimmicks, She wanted to offer people healthy, fresh, nutritionally balanced meals to help them lose weight.

Starting out small in rented catering space, she enlisted the help of a registered dietitian.  In the beginning, she ran radio commercials late at night to get the cheapest ad rates. Because the ads included her home phone number, she would be awakened in the middle of the night by calls from prospective customers.

In one ad, Sutton told listeners if they didn’t lose weight eating her meals, “you are either cheating or lying there in a coma.”

Today her company seattlesutton.com has more than 200 distributors in nine states. It provides customers with a weekly program of 21 freshly prepared breakfasts, lunches and dinners that add up to either 1,200 calories or 2,000 calories per day. Meals are delivered twice a week. The meals are delivered via FedEx in parts of the country where there are no distributors.

There truly is opportunity everywhere.  From starting with a $1,000 to a growing $20 million operation, wow!

Customer and clients, they provide the life blood of your business – money.  Most of the time, we like our customers, when they pay on time.  And, when they don’t, there might be a few choice words said under our breathe while it puts a crunch on cash flow.

So, what are some of the best methods to help prevent clients being slow with their payments?  Well, I know a fellow by the name of Rocko, his best friend is a baseball bat and he can be persuasive.  But, let’s keep this professional.

Some basic approaches to establishing expectations with your clients can avert future payment issues.  For instance, be precise about your payment terms.  Some business owners become so delighted with landing new business that they avoid the subject of payment terms – thinking that it may dissuade the potential client.

Many owners have found that unless they’re very clear at the beginning about payment terms, customers may take their time. It’s human nature to put things off, and all of us have to prioritize what we use money for. But if a company states from the get-go: “Here is how we need to be paid,” a customer is more likely to get the message.

Dana Korey lost time and productivity at her professional organizing business trying to collect on invoices weeks or months after they were sent out. Ms. Korey, founder of Away With Clutter Inc. in Del Mar, Calif., said “being really clear about the deposit and being exceptionally clear about the day the balance would be due” turned the situation around.

She also put payment terms in bold-faced type in contracts and had customers sign or initial every provision that dealt with payment. Employees also state the payment terms aloud during the contract signing process.

“It actually has worked phenomenally,” she said of the changes.

It’s one of the challenges of working naked.  And, it can be managed without even Rocko’s assistance.